Christianity 101 says, “Follow Christ and take up your cross”. For to live is Christ and to die for His cause is gain.
“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21”
“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. Matthew 16:24”
It’s been a while since I’ve been doing missions for the cause of Christ. I was involved in medical missions, counseling and in sharing the scripture to the less fortunate kids who have no saving knowledge about the Lord Jesus Christ. And honestly? I don’t know why God have put me in this path, maybe its true that God uses the weakest people in the world to confound the wise so that no one will boast before His presence (1 Cor. 1:27-29).
I just can’t imagine when God have finally found the weakest being in the planet to use for His glory, and that is “me”, congratulations to me… And honestly? I feel unworthy of being in the ministry of God, for who am I that God will mind of? I mean, what a privileged to serve the God of the universe, the one who created the stars, heaven and earth……And I guess I want to tell God that, “hmmm Father in heaven? There are so many people out there who has a higher degree of Bible education, why me?…. but as I’ve said, God have found the weakest being in the planet to use for His missions for His glory’s sake, and that is “ME”.
Maybe for some, serving the Lord is a bit “weird” and not cool, for the culture of today says so, for the people right now are no longer God’s friend(s), but rather His enemy (James 4:4), as most of the confessing “Christian” are worldly, not minding the things that concerns about God. And as the scripture says, you cannot be in Christ if not by His saving grace, and you cannot be in Christ if you still love this world more than Him, if you are still walking not in the Spirit, and walking in the Spirit is not just a mere decision and confession that one can make, it is all about the “saving grace of God and of His mercy”.
But the truth of a matter is that, being in Christ is not an easy task, being a “true Christian”, being in the faith 24/7 is not a one night stay with the Lord, for it requires spiritual discipline. What does it mean by “spiritual discipline”? It means you have to train yourself to wrestle against laziness in prayer and Bible reading, for in prayer we fight and battle Satan by asking God’s grace. I suggest pray atleast 2 hours a day and read 3-5 chapters of the Bible (that’s how I do it by the way). Serving God and be in the faith requires having a relationship with the one true God in the Bible, it requires an intimate walk with Him. Just like when God called Abraham to walk with Him in holiness and perfection (Genesis 17:1).
And honestly? I can’t think of any words to tell everybody the pain and joy in walking with God, the feeling of walking with Him in perfection and intimacy…. for you have to experience it yourself, you need to have a personal encounter with the risen Savior, and only by His grace we can walk with Him.
In pain I’ve walked with my Savior, but His grace is sufficient to uphold me as I walked in the shadow of valley of death, for He is faithful. There was even a time when I want to give up serving Christ for everything is too painful to me, starting from the people that I can’t get along well within my circle, not knowing what the future will bring unto me (though I know that my future belongs to eternity with Christ)….and down to the people who will mocked at you simply because they could not believe that God is working today by using His weak and pitiful servants ….Maybe what I’m trying to say is that, it pains me that I’m having a hard time in walking with God, for I keep on falling, and falling and falling, for everyone falls short before the glory of God (Romans 3:23)….the wickedness inside me is killing me, but by God’s grace He sustained me to continue in walking in the faith and not by sight, to walk in the strait way and narrow gate of heaven in “perfection and uprightness of heart”….though I’m dying inside, for human as I am, I have the tendency to leave the God that I love and quit in His ministry, but as the scripture says, “God is a faithful God”, hence He did eventually brought me back to His path to walk with Him, in the path wherein my soul can be satisfied.
There was even a time when I told our Pastor that I will quit in doing missions for I want to give myself a chance to know the Lord intimately by entering Bible school (partly true I guess). But the truth is, I’m just so tired of everything, I just feel that I can’t no longer take the pain in following Christ.. and all I wanna do is to walk away and just be in a place where I can be alone with God…away from all, from all who betrayed me, away from broken relationships..away from the fear of the unknown in following Christ..and I was a bit surprised to know that indeed, there’s a hidden cowardice inside me, a hidden mistrustful heart to the all knowing and ever sufficient God that I served.
But how amazing that when I came across with Psalm 9:12 during my devotional time every morning, and I believed God comforted me with His words that says “he forgetteth not the cry of the humble” in Psalm 9:12…I feel like I was renewed, it feels like God talked to me saying, “hey cheer up, I will not forget your cry, just wait for me and don’t give up”..That verse struck me so much that, even if I know that satan has something more temptations of evil doings for me to fall, but knowing that God will not forget my cry, knowing that He will be my defense, knowing that He will not forsake me, knowing that God is with me, I know that I can do all things for Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
And after reading that verse, I whispered a prayer unto God saying, “Lord, implant my feet on a solid ground like a rock, and make me so meek like Christ who did not run away from your will, the will to take up and die on His cross for our sake”.
I believed that in prayer and Bible reading God will speak unto us, though I’m not saying that you will grab a whole share of the presence of God the moment you kneel down and pray, or the moment you first open up your Bible after a decade….I’m saying that you need to tarry and stay in your room until you know the presence of the Lord, get some knee pads until He will reveal and pour out His Holy Spirit unto you…”spiritual discipline” is the key to maturity in the faith.
And most of all, prepare to die in following Christ, for surely you will be in pain…in unspeakable joy as you serve Him, as we are ought to share in the suffering of Christ so that we will be glorified together with Him someday (Romans 8:18)
To end this blog, let me share to you a poem (written in the summer day of May 23,2015) I wrote this when I was having some thoughts of giving up in the ministry while having a silent moment with God in a mountainous area,…yeah, a moment of silence with the Lord in the mountain..I guess God scolded me by activating the neurons in my head, alright it goes this way:
My Solid Rock
Why look for reasons to leave rather implanting your feet on a solid ground?
Did I look for a reason not to save you?
Did I not defend you against your enemy?
Did I not faithfully reveal unto you my mercy and salvation?
Did I deny you before my Father’s throne?
Did I not carry you when you can no longer walk?
Did I not become your voice when you can’t speak?
Did I not stretch my arms when you feel like you have no longer hope?
Did I not hear your plea when you can no longer bear your burden?
Did I not say that you will be my co- heir, provided you will suffer for my name’s sake?
Did you find your highest calling as the cheapest?
How dare you, Oh you of little faith!
Shame on your unbelief, shame on your wickedness!
Remember, I am the Almighty God, I will be exalted in the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth
Serve me, for I will fight for you, I will heal you, I your God is enough! For I am faithful and true
GOD IS FAITHFUL
To God be the glory